Richard Jefferson: Runaway Bride
August 16, 2009 by Nir Regev (OneAnswer)
"Richard Jefferson: Runaway Bride"
"Hey Richard, I just wanted to wish you luck at the wedding tomorrow"
"LUKE!! IT'S REALLY YOU!! I don't know what to say.."
"Don't say anything Richard, that's all in the past"
"What's in the past baby"
"STFU Kesha, Luke is talking"
"So dreammyyy"
"What??"
"BYE LUKE!!!"
*Next Day*
"Where is he?! The weddings going to start in half an hour!!"
"Forget about him baby"
"Karl? I thought you said you were going hunting"
"I'm always hunting"
New York Times: Fat Is In
August 16, 2009 by Nir Regev (OneAnswer)
Prada sunglasses, girl jeans, fat. Millions of fatties rejoiced yesterday when Guy Trebay of the New York Times announced the latest new fad. The sumo look. Guy has done much research regarding the matter, and maintains 'hipsters' are purposely gaining weight because President Obama is in shape.
“If we had a slob in the White House, all the hipsters would turn into some walking Chippendales calendar,”
That's right stick it to the man! Sure rebelling in the 60s was about music and sex. But we've evolved past that, now its about Twinkies, texting, and finding ways to not get laid. It's kind of like Woodstock, if Woodstock totally sucked.
“I sort of think the six-pack abs obsession got so prissy it stopped being masculine”- Aaron Hicklin.
The key to masculinity:
You may notice the lack of females, food supply was short.
Fat Source: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/08/13/fashion/13POTBELLY.html
Political Comic: The Beer Summit - White Version
August 13, 2009 by Nir Regev (OneAnswer)
"Thank goodness you're here officer! Some white guy just broke into my neighbors house!"
"I'll check it out right away Ms"
"Hey Bill I think I hear some knocking on the door"
"Please! You're just trying to distract me! Not gonna work, take your beating like a man"
"No really Bill I think I hear someth-"
"Alright motherf*ckers, I'm gonna need to see some ID"
"Officer, there must be some terrible mistake! This is my home"
"English motherf*cker do you speak it?"
"Wait!! Here's my ID!"
"What the f*ck is that? That ain't no ID"
"But.."
Political Comic: Everybody Loves Hillary!
August 13, 2009 by Nir Regev (OneAnswer)
"Hey Hillary, great to see you! When's Bill coming?
"Oh, he should be here soon!"
"First thing's first Mrs. Clinton... Is Bill back there? He must be tired from Korea! What's it like living with a hero? Oh oh what's Bill's favorite dish?!"
"I'm pleased to say Bill is doing an excellent job as secretary"
"Don't you mean Hillary sir?"
"Who?"
"She's the woman sitting next to you Mr. President"
"I'm not too good with names Jim, I'll have to get back to you. But Bill, he's a great guy"
"Hey mom do you know when dad's gonna be back?! Mom.. Why are you looking at me like that?"
"Yeah, Mrs. Clinton where's Bill at? We'd love to meet him! Mrs. Clinton?"
The Zeke Files: Steve Francis Conference
July 20, 2009 by Nir Regev (OneAnswer)
"First off, I'd like to thank all of you for coming on short notice"
"I'd like to bury these heinous rumors! Let me say there's a time and a place for everything... And it's called Reuben Patterson's house"
"So as you can see, this woman is simply after Zeke's mone-"
"Mr. Thomas, DNA evidence has been found as of 10 am this morning. How do you respond?"
"Get Francis in here.. He's gonna need to take the fall on this one"
"Sir, you fired Francis"
"I did what?!"
"Mr. Thomas you haven't responded to my question"
"Here's my response... Son have you won two championships?
"No I haven't......"
"Well Zeke has"
"But what does that have to do with anythin-"
"This conference is over"
